i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
