I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
