how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
