she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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