Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
