I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
