The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize