I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
