I hate your face
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
