mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
