It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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