I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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