my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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