Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
