I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
