found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
