my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
