you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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