Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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