I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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