I'm going to jail i love you
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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