I'm laying in your front yard are you home
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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