I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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