I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
