im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
