My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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