sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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