My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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