Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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