I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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