Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
