Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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