smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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