I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
