I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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