Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Houston, we have a blender
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
