I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Buhtt sex?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
