I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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