Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
