grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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