So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
