don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
