i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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