And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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