good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
