If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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