i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
