This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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