good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
a search helicopter?!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
did i just pee glitter
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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