Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
