Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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