Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
