its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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