bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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