i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
