Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize