The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
