You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
