For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
