someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
