I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
