My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
