oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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