Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
