remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
barbara walters just said penis...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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