At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
