I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize