took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
what day is it and did you see me today?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
